Fear of falling


Zelda: Do you remember your first serious fall?

Zach: Not like you do.


Zelda: We were sitting on the couch watching a movie, and you got up to use the bathroom. Then I heard the crash.


Zach: Ah, how could I forget: The shower curtain incident.


Zelda: You grabbed it when you lost your balance. Ripped it in two.


Zach: You were kinda mad.


Zelda: I was pissed. I loved that shower curtain! It had that silky fabric and the sheer section at the top so you could see out but not in…We still haven’t found a good replacement. And honestly, I was irritated ‘cause I just thought you were cocktailed—making bad choices.


Zach: Which I wasn’t.


Zelda: I get that now. Damn cancer drugs and their fall risks.


Zach: Bastards. And it's worse with chemo. Do we have to talk about this?


Zelda: Yep.


Zach: Why?


Zelda: You've had a few big falls since then. And I want you to take it seriously. If you fall again, you could break a bone. 


Zach: I’ve never broken a bone in my life!


Zelda: Next time you might not be so lucky. And if you break something, you could need surgery. Or rehab. Or both.


Zach: So much fear in you!


Zelda: Not fear, caution. And yeah, I am afraid you’re going to hit your head again. People die when that happens.


Zach: It'll be ok.


Zelda: Will it? Last time it took half an hour to get you up off the floor. 


Zach: ‘Cause you were messing with Band Aids.


Zelda: I had to figure out where all the blood came from.


Zach: And then you wouldn’t just pull me up. 


Zelda: I can’t lift you by myself. 


Zach: You didn’t even try. Made me crawl on my knees.


Zelda: Whatever. Is there anything we can do to keep you from falling?


Zach: Nope.


Zelda: I’m telling you right now: If it happens again, I’m calling 911.


Zach: No you’re not.


Zelda: I should’ve called last time.


Zach: Pfft, exaggeration girl. It wasn’t that bad.


Zelda: [2 days later, Zach got up during the night. I kept my eyes closed and held my breath, hoping he’d be ok. Then I heard him stumble, curse, and hit the bathroom floor with an ugly thud. I flew out of bed. When I got to the bathroom, my heart was racing, and blood was smeared on the wall, the toilet, and the floor. He’d slammed both elbows, and his skin is so thin now that it breaks at the slightest scuff. Half an hour later he was up and bandaged, and nothing was broken, thankfully. But I vowed to do something to keep this from happening again.]

The Captain’s chair

Zelda: Ready for your present?


Zach: No.


Zelda: Follow me! [Leads him to the bathroom] Happy birthday!


Zach: You have gotta be shittin’ me.


Zelda: Think of it as a captain’s chair.


Zach: [Walks to the toilet, tests the grab bars of the new booster seat Zelda installed] OK, Number One. Or should I call you Number 2?


Zelda: And footies with sensi-dots! [Holds up 5 pairs of socks with no-slip grippers on the bottoms]. Sorry, birthday month is such a bust this year. 


Zach: Thanks, I guess.


Zelda: No more falling. Please. My heart can’t take much more.

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