Almost told mom

[It’s Sunday afternoon. We’re on the couch watching football when the phone starts to buzz. It's a reminder: Time for our weekly chat with Mom.]

Zelda: Here [Hands Zach the phone.]

Zach: What?

Zelda: Time to call mom.

Zach: Oh, that. [Takes the phone.] Feels like this is getting old.

Zelda: What's getting old?

Zach: Talking to mom. We only talk about the weather. It's all sunshine and rainbows.

Zelda: You kinda put on a show for each other. Stick to the boring details. Pretend everything's fine.

Zach: Yep.

Zelda: Something else you want talk about?

Zach: I don’t know. I hate lying to her...saying everything's fine when it's ain't. [He pokes Recents, then taps the lone entry on the screen: Mom. She’s the only one we call any more. He puts it on speaker. The phone rings. She answers on the first ring.]

Mom: Hel-lo!

Zach: How’s my favorite mom? 

Mom: [Giggles for a beat or two in appreciation.] Oh, doing ok I guess. Just woke up from a nap.

Zach: Good for you!

Mom: Seems like that’s all I do any more. [Giggles]

Zach: Right there with you, mom. Naps are the best. 

Mom: I have my fruit in the morning. Then I get out in the yard and work for an hour or so. That's about all I can do any more. After that I come back in and I’m ready for my nap. [Giggles some more]

Zach: Sounds perfect!

Mom: Weather’s been really pleasant here. Nice fall day. Leaves are turning on the maple. Your weather good?

Zach: Same as always. Cool and overcast. Might get a drizzle of rain this week.

[pause]

Mom: Everybody ok? Kids ok?

Zach: Far as I know. 

Mom: Everybody’s fine here too. Far as I know. Your brother stopped by yesterday.

Zach: Great! How’s he doing?

Mom: Good I guess. We worked on a puzzle for a while and did a crossword. Then he went off to school. 

[pause]

Mom: Any plans for a visit?

Zach: We’re working on it. [Smiles at Zelda]

Mom: Are you coming out for Thanksgiving, as usual?

Zach: Uh…not sure.

Mom: What?? What?? [pause] Oh, your sister just walked in. With the BABY!! [Talking away from the phone. Hi! Hi you!! Hi!!]

Zach: Tell them hey for us.

Mom: Will do. Sure appreciate you checking in every week. Love ya!

Zach & Zelda: Love you too, Mom. [Call ends.]

Zelda: Your mom has the cutest little laugh–especially on the phone.

Zach: She’s done that since I was a kid: She says hello, and then she starts to laugh. I guess I gave her a lot to laugh about growing up. Falling off bikes, jumping out of cars…remodeling the walls with my head….It was either laugh or cry. She picked laugh.

Zelda: It’s nice to hear her voice every week.

Zach: Except when she asks when we’re coming for a visit. And I have to lie.

Zelda: You don’t have to. You could tell her what’s going on. She’d want to know. 

Zach: It’s gone on too long…I wouldn’t know where to start. 

Zelda: Just say, “I have something to tell you.” And go from there.

Zach: You make it sound so easy.

Zelda: It is easy. Just 6 little words. You could do it.

Zach: And after that, we’d only talk about how I’m feeling. I’d hate that.

Zelda: I get it. You don't want to have to think about it all the time. You want to be normal. And I support whatever you decide. It was easier to keep it secret before chemo, even when we saw people in person. You looked like yourself. But now, you’re 60 lbs lighter and you have no hair. You're wobbly. If they see you, they're gonna know something’s up. 

Zach: Just intermittent fasting, baby. 

Zelda: Nice try. 

Zach: I’ll think about it. 

Zelda: Do that. As much fun as it is having a secret with you, your family loves you, and they’d want to help if they can. It's a heavy load. They'd want to help us carry it.

Zach: True dat. 

Zelda: What if the roles were reversed? What if your brother got a bad diagnosis. Would you want to know?

Zach: Of course. Unless he didn't want to talk about it.

Zelda: Touché. Can I tell you one of my biggest fears?

Zach: Showing up at the office without pants?

Zelda: Besides that. I'm afraid something serious will happen to you. And then I’d have to call your mom and tell her everything that’s been going on with you for the past 6+ years. I'd feel double bad: I'd be heartsick that something happened to you, and I'd feel terrible that we didn't let your family know what was going on sooner.

Zach: Don't worry, they won't blame you. They'll blame me. They know I'm a stubborn SOB. They’ll understand.