Joy

Weeks since last serious fall: 10

Weeks since last chemo: 25

Zach: Oh, man…


Zelda: What, man?


Zach: This is soooo fucking good!


Zelda: [Zach Isn't talking about his dinner (which, by the way, he didn't finish again tonight). He had cooked an amazing fajita stir fry with peppers, onions, and steak. But by the time it was on the plates, it didn’t sound good to him anymore. He said he wasn’t hungry—”not even a little bit." And then, an hour later, he is sitting next to me on the couch, in front of TV, with a full half gallon of Dryers French Vanilla and a spoon.] 


Zelda: I thought you weren’t hungry.


Zach: I’m not. But this is sooo good. 


Zelda: So you like the ice cream?


Zach: [Close to tears] This is The Best Fucking Ice Cream I’ve ever had in my life. I just want to keep eating little spoonfuls of it. [Takes another tiny scoop and closes his eyes.]


Zelda: That’s amazing! I haven’t seen you this happy with food in a year. We’ll get you all the ice cream you can eat. 


Zach: I know. [Puts another small scoop in his mouth and lets it melt on his tongue.] I could eat this whole fucking thing right now. 


Zelda: Do it! 


Zach: I better put it away.


[10 minutes later…] 


Zach: I’m gonna get some more.


Zelda: You GO boy! So glad you finally found something that tastes good to you.


Zach: [Comes back with the container. It’s half gone.] I don’t know why, but this is really working for me tonight.


....


It’s so easy to keep a running tally of everything that’s broken. And sometimes, it feels good to wallow in the woes. It's cathartic. But tonight, we’re after a different kind of catharsis. We're reveling in the WOWs. 


Here are some of the things that have brought joy into our lives lately.


  • Listening to old vinyl, especially early Led Zeppelin, Dire Straits, and Moody Blues, with the lights turned down, and the volume turned up to 11.

  • Watching a cloud-burst downpour of rain with a blue sky on the horizon.

  • Doing a daily foot massage or 2, and a whole-body massage on Sunday mornings.

  • Opening a letter and finding a hand-written “thank you” note from grandson ZZ.

  • Getting a cheerful text from daughter Zoey (with double heart emojis 💕).

  • Watching the random camera-reel video of our once-in-a-lifetime trip from 10 years ago.

  • Seeing a new leaf on the basil plant Zach rescued last week.

  • Harvesting the first asparagus of the season from the edible backyard.

  • Finding our favorite handmade wooden pen that’s been missing for months. And it still writes.

  • Discovering an old favorite shirt that fits again (thank you, cancer-weight-loss plan).

  • Getting our teeth cleaned, and neither of us needing any serious follow ups this time.

  • Finding the right $3 part to fix the dishwasher and installing it without anything else breaking.

  • Catching a chill and covering up with a warm blanket fresh from the dryer.

  • Sipping a single-malt scotch nightcap.

  • Walking into the bedroom and smelling the line-dried sheets on the bed.

  • Snuggling, snuggling, and more snuggling before falling asleep each night.

  • Waking up hours later in about the same position.

  • Breaking the speed record for the daily Suduko–at the Diabolical level.

  • Taking an epic shit. And not even needing to do paperwork.

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